Not Ready To Say Goodbye
by Tonyrobbertsen
Summary: Terror strikes them to the very core when history repeats itself. What will their future be?


A/N This story is dedicated to all women who deal with or have dealt with this disease. Women of the world breast cancer awareness is necessary as is all cancer awareness.

October is breast cancer awareness month. Please get checked.

Thank you to Shergar once again for her help with this story.

Disclaimer

I do not profit from the characters from "The Streets of San Francisco" I am not the creator of the series, that is Quinn Martin.

Not Ready To Say Goodbye

The time should have been one of great celebration for the Steve Keller family. Their daughter Kim was about to graduate high school. A couple of weeks before though, a problem had started with Jeannie. It was one she hadn't shared with Steve just yet. She knew she should but fear and bad memories prevented her from disclosing her newest discovery of a lump in her breast.

She had reassured Steve everything was fine when he worried that he had done something wrong or that she was sick. She gave him the excuse that work was on her mind as well as thoughts of their daughter being out on her own. For the moment he had bought her reasoning. She was hopeful he would understand later if the news the doctor gave her was bad. After a mammogram had shown it was a possible tumor, she'd agreed to a biopsy without informing Steve and the wait for the results had been nerve wracking. As the biopsy had taken place this past week she knew the doctor should call very soon.

The next day at work she was informed there was a call for her.

"This is Jeannie Keller," Jeannie answered her voice as calm as possible.

"Jeannie this is Dr. Greenwood. Would it be possible for you to come in after work today? Steve might need to come with you as well." Dr. Millard Greenwood remarked. Jeannie tried to regain her composure and was silent. "Jeannie, are you still there?"

"Yes, give me a minute please." Jeannie took some breaths before speaking again. "Okay sorry. Steve's at work; I'll have to come alone I think."

"Alright if you don't want to disturb him. I'll see you about four thirty. I've notified the staff you're to be brought back immediately. Talk to you then, Jeannie." Dr. Greenwood's voice had an almost apologetic tone.

"Thank you, Dr. Greenwood. I'll see you then," Jeannie replied her mind racing as she hung up.

Jeannie tried her best to keep her mind on work. She found it very difficult. Others as well noticed how distracted she seemed. Finally her boss pulled her aside and spoke quietly to her. She knew this wasn't like Jeannie at all.

"Jeannie there's something troubling you. You're never this distracted. Are you having some trouble with Steve?" Elaine Devlin inquired with concern.

"No Elaine. Why does everyone think Steve's done..." Jeannie almost snapped then caught herself. "I'm sorry; please forgive me. Steve's wonderful; there's never been a better man in this world. I got the call from the doctor he wants to see me right after work. It's bad I know it. He suggested that Steve come with me."

"And you don't want Steve to know just yet." Elaine spoke what she already had been told and saw Jeannie nod. "I could come with you if you'd like, we'll go ahead and leave now."

"Thank you, Elaine. Yes, I'd appreciate that." Jeannie's voice was choked with emotion.

Elaine and Jeannie left after they'd got their purses and Elaine had informed the secretary they were going a bit early. Once they arrived at the doctor's office Jeannie was taken back right away. The doctor greeted both women as he was Elaine Devlin's physician as well.

"If she couldn't tell Steve just yet I'm glad she has you with her, Elaine." Dr. Greenwood's tone and face told the story.

"It's bad isn't it?" Jeannie asked with a catch in her voice.

"It's malignant, Jeannie. I'm very sorry. There are three options; chemotherapy or we can cut the tumor out, or to hopefully stop any further spread we could do a mastectomy. We need to move as soon as possible whatever your decision is." Dr. Greenwood put the Kleenex box by her and waited for Jeannie to calm a bit. "Jeannie I know this is a very difficult decision to make."

"Mastectomy? You mean remove my breast?" Jeannie sobbed as Elaine hugged her gently.

"Yes but it could be reconstructed either right after the mastectomy or after you've healed. Medicine has come a long way with cancer. This is something you really need to discuss with Steve. You've been dealing with this alone until now. It's time to let Steve in on what's been going on." Dr. Greenwood's tone was firm and he saw Jeannie nod.

"I'll talk to him and give you a call tomorrow with our decision." Jeannie promised and rose from her chair. "Thank you, Dr. Greenwood. I promise to be in touch."

Dr. Greenwood felt bad for the young woman before him. Life had dealt her a bad hand when it came to cancer genes. He knew though that she had a strong support system besides being strong willed. He had no doubt if anyone could conquer this it was Jeannie Stone Keller. Elaine drove Jeannie to SFPD after they'd discussed the options of phoning Steve or going to talk to him. Elaine wisely pointed out the sooner Steve was informed the better. They got there as fast as Elaine could. Jeannie hadn't stopped crying the whole ride and did her best to calm herself as they were about to enter Bryant Street. Once they got up to homicide they saw Steve wasn't in there. Elaine approached Lee Lessing's desk as he glanced their way.

"Do you know where Steve is? It's important." Elaine spoke in a quiet tone.

"He's up in Captain Devitt's office in a meeting." Lessing answered. He noticed that Jeannie was upset and he picked up the phone. "I'll call up there and tell him he's needed down here."

"Thank you I'd appreciate it. I'll take Jeannie into her father's office to wait." Elaine's tone brooked no room for disagreement.

Lee Lessing called to Captain Devitt's office as Elaine and Jeannie went into Mike's office. When Captain Devitt heard that Jeannie was there upset he glanced at Steve and Mike. The look sent a chill all through Steve. He waited anxiously for Captain Devitt to finish the call with Lee Lessing. He and Mike exchanged a look just as Captain Devitt hung up the phone.

"We'll continue this meeting another time. Steve you'd better get to homicide, Jeannie's there. Lessing wasn't sure what's wrong just that she looked upset. Mike if you and Steve need to leave before your shift's over don't hesitate," Captain Roy Devitt informed him with a grim smile.

"Thanks, Roy. Come on, buddy boy let's get down there." Mike's tone was full of worry.

Steve and Mike took the stairs down as quickly as possible rather than wait for elevator. Steve couldn't shake this feeling of dread. They hurried into homicide and saw Jeannie in Mike's office with her boss. Elaine left as she saw Steve enter looking frantic. Steve grabbed Jeannie in a tight hug and waited for her to tell him.

"I'll be going now, Lieutenant. Please tell Jeannie not to worry about work tomorrow she is owed more than a few days off anyway. Her car is at our firm, we came in mine," Elaine informed him.

"Thank you for bringing her, Steve and I both appreciate it. We'll get her car later." Mike tried to smile. They shook hands then she left. Mike noticed as Jeannie talked that Steve was very pale.

"Jeannie you should have told me. You shouldn't have gone through this by yourself." Steve had tears in his eyes at what she had been through. "You don't like it when I think I can handle things myself and keep it private. Here you did just like I was. We married for better or worse, Jeannie, stop shutting me out."

"You're right, I shouldn't have done that but I was afraid, Steve. I didn't want to admit it was real, telling you would make it real. Now I have no choice. I promised to call him tomorrow with a decision." Jeannie clung to Steve tighter. "I don't want to lose you, Steve."

"What? Jeannie you won't ever lose me. I promise you that. As long as we waited to get together, I'm not letting you go. Listen Mike and I can leave so we'll come back for your car later," Steve assured her and felt her nod her head against his shoulder. He saw Mike's worried expression and felt bad for what they had to tell him not to mention their kids. "We'd better get Mike in here, sweetheart."

"Yes he needs to be told as well." Jeannie agreed as she caught a look at Mike's face, Steve opened the office door.

"Mike you can come in now." Steve waited for him to enter then closed the door for privacy. "Jeannie had found another lump. She had a mammogram done and a biopsy. She was told the results today."

Mike hugged his daughter with tears in his eyes as well. He couldn't bear the thought that he might lose her too. After a few minutes though he became angry as well. He thought Steve had been keeping this a secret from him and spoke sharply.

"How could you, buddy boy?! Why would you keep this from me?" Mike snapped and saw the hurt in Steve's eyes.

"Daddy stop! Steve's not to blame. He didn't keep anything from you. I kept it all from him and you both until today. Steve never knew. If you want to yell at someone you yell at me, not Steve, he's innocent," Jeannie defended her husband.

"I apologize, buddy boy. I spoke out of turn. I truly am sorry." Mike was regretful.

"It's okay, Mike. I understand. I want to take Jeannie home. I wish Kim's graduation wasn't tonight," Steve lamented.

"I'll drive you both. I mean I'm going to be over there anyway. We can get Jeannie's car later. That all right with you, sweetheart?" Mike asked and saw her nod.

Mike got his hat and suit jacket and overcoat on as Steve got his jacket. They left after Mike informed the others they were headed to Berkeley for the graduation. The others all knew there was something very wrong by the teary look in three pairs of eyes. On the drive Steve held Jeannie extra close as Mike drove them. They discussed the options with Mike and each other, as well as when to tell the kids. Steve and Jeannie agreed with Mike's input on when to tell the kids. They both knew that although they agreed with his thoughts on Jeannie's options as well, they needed more private discussion just between them later. When they arrived at Steve and Jeannie's house they were greeted by the sight of the oldest boy home from college. Jeannie wiped her tears away and pasted on a smile as did the two men. Pete lifted his mom off the ground in his hug. Soon the other three kids were there hugging her as well. Kim was talking a mile a minute excited by the

thought of graduation and college.

"Mom you've been crying what's wrong?" Kim asked

"You're our only daughter. Your mom feels emotional about you leaving home," Steve answered to save Jeannie a full explanation right now.

"Pete flew before I did and he went to mom's alma mater. Did you both get emotional when he left as well?" Kim asked as she tried to remember.

"All parents go through this when their children are leaving the nest, Kim. I remember when your mom informed me she wanted to go Arizona State I about fell apart," Mike informed them. "Of course I had to hide it but she knew anyway."

That night was a joyful time for the family as they watched Kim graduate. Steve and Jeannie held hands throughout the ceremony drawing strength from one another. After the ceremonies Steve took all out for a meal at a place of Kim's choosing. Kim kept catching Steve and Jeannie exchange glances as well as her grandfather and vowed to herself she would find out what was really going on. On the drive home the two youngest kids fell asleep on Jeannie's lap. She stroked their hair and prayed she'd live to see them grow up. Once home Mike and Steve carried the youngest to their room and got them into pajamas and under their bed cover. Jeannie fixed some coffee so she, Steve and Mike could talk a bit. Kim and Pete gave their mom a tight hug before they headed to bed. On their way upstairs they met their father and grandfather and exchanged hugs with them as well.

"We got them into pajamas and tucked in," Steve told Jeannie as he held her. "We'll make it through this, Jeannie."

"Could you still love me and want me if I have the mastectomy?" Jeannie's voice was filled with worry.

"I don't want or love any other woman, Jeannie. I plan for us to grow old together. I'll support whatever choice you prefer," Steve promised her with a serious tone.

"You know we'll both be here for you, sweetheart. I know it's scary but I know how strong you are. You can beat this," Mike assured her his tone very confident.

"I'll let Dr. Greenwood know tomorrow then. Mike I thought you were staying the night with us. I mean we knew we'd be really late but I didn't see your bag," Jeannie commented.

"It's in the trunk of the car. I'll go ahead and get it now; that is if you kids are sure you don't mind." Mike wondered if he should just head back to San Francisco.

"You're staying, Mike. We decided that days ago." Steve's tone was a no-nonsense tone.

Once Mike had his bag in and they all agreed on bed. Mike went to the room he normally used when he stayed over with Steve and Jeannie. Not long after, he heard his two kids head to their room. Mike spoke from his heart to Helen that she help watch over their little girl as she faced the battle she had ahead of her. Steve held Jeannie even more closely than ever as they lay in their bed.

"Steve, do you truly feel we can beat this again?" Jeannie's voice sounded scared and he hugged her even tighter.

"Yes, babe. I believe just as strongly as I did eighteen years ago. We'll conquer it this time as well." Steve hoped he sounded more confident than he did eighteen years ago because he felt terrified.

"I remember that time so well. I was three months along with Kim. I had taken a shower and found the lump. It's almost as though history repeats itself now for us. How many more times is this going to happen?" Jeannie sighed deeply.

****FLASHBACK****

Steve had been at a meeting with Mike and Olsen and as he entered the squad room he saw Jeannie at his desk. When he reached her he saw tears in her eyes.

"Steve, I must talk to you in private." Jeannie's voice was scared.

"Is it the baby?" Steve asked concerned then realized they weren't in private. "We can talk in the interrogation room."

Steve took her into one of the interrogation rooms and closed the door. Nobody in homicide could miss the worry on his face as he seated Jeannie.

"Babe please sit down, what I am going to tell you will shock you. It has shocked me too," Jeannie said and waited until Steve had sat in a chair and held her hand. "Steve, I may have breast cancer like my mother. About a week ago I discovered a lump in my breast. Our physician said it's rare to get during pregnancy. To be sure he asked for a mammogram, that image showed a tumor, now they have to do a biopsy to see if it's benign or malignant."

"When is he doing the biopsy?" Steve tried hard to control the tears.

"He scheduled it for day after tomorrow. I told him I wasn't sure you could be there but that it was fine." Jeannie's lip trembled.

"I don't care what I have to do, babe, I'm going to be there with you," Steve promised with a solemn tone.

Steve rose from his chair to hold Jeannie. She got up and sat on the edge of the table and they just held each other both with tears rolling.

Mike came into homicide just then and didn't see Steve. He looked around and Haseejian spoke up as though he knew who Mike wanted.

"If you're looking for your partner he and Jeannie are in one of the interrogation rooms. I've got a feeling something bad has happened the way Jeannie's eyes were red rimmed." Haseejian informed Mike.

Mike hurried toward the interrogation room area and saw which one Steve and Jeannie were in. Not bothering to knock Mike barged in. They both looked up as he entered and he could see both were upset.

"Kids what's going on? Sweetheart, why have you been crying? Has buddy boy hurt you?" Mike's voice and face were filled with anger at he looked at Steve as he spoke to Jeannie.

"No, Mike, Steve did nothing wrong. How dare you to imply something like that," Jeannie snapped, angry that Mike would accuse Steve of wrongdoing.

"I'm sorry I just thought with you crying... What is going on?" Mike asked worried as he closed the door.

I may have breast cancer like mom. I found a lump in my breast and will have a biopsy the day after tomorrow. Steve and I have a lot to talk over," Jeannie explained unable to hide her fear.

"Steve, take your wife home and stay with her until you both know for certain. You won't lose any pay. If you need help at all with anything call me," Mike offered with genuine concern.

Steve and Jeannie left to go pick up their little boy at Eileen's. Once they got to their house the time spent with little Pete helped distract them a bit. When Mike's shift ended he drove to Berkeley to check on Steve and Jeannie. He offered to take little Pete with him so they could have time just for the two of them.

"Thanks, daddy I know you mean well but we want Pete near us tonight. We're going to have him between us as we sleep," Jeannie explained with a sad smile.

After he'd hugged all three extra tight he left to try to get some sleep. The next day Mike arranged with Olsen to be out with Steve and Jeannie for her biopsy. The day of the biopsy Steve took Pete to Eileen's and explained to her what was going on that day. It was arranged that either Mike would pick up Pete or he would stay at Eileen's overnight. Steve would call later and let her know for sure which way they would do. He left an overnight bag with her just in case.

Once the biopsy was finished Steve and Mike both stayed with Jeannie in her hospital room, one on each side of the bed grasping one of her hands. Once she was released and they were allowed to take her home the wait continued. The day the test results were ready Mike kept Pete while Steve went with Jeannie. The wait was agonizing for all involved. Once Jeannie and Steve were taken to the consultation office the doctor appeared within five minutes. By then Steve felt like his hand had been crushed in a vice.

"There's bad news and good. The bad is the tumor is malignant but it's small right now. The good news is we could get rid of it with chemotherapy or cutting it out rather than a mastectomy." Dr. Graves explained as gently as possible.

Steve felt like he was being suffocated and he wondered how that was good news. He held Jeannie extra close as she cried. Once they both finally got hold of their composure she managed to ask the question that was on hers and Steve's minds.

"Doctor how is that good news?" Jeannie kept her tone as even as possible.

"The cancer's what we call Stage 1. That means it is more easily treatable. It would make sense to start treatment right away. The problem is that with any chemo or radiation treatment it can cause problems for unborn children. Jeannie you and Steve need to make a difficult but necessary decision about possibly terminating your pregnancy. That's one option, another option is to wait until your child is born and start the treatment then. How far along are you again, Jeannie?" Dr. Graves asked.

"I am three months pregnant now." Jeannie answered.

"Then I need your decision within two weeks. A week would be better but two at the most." Dr. Graves spoke in earnest.

Then the doctor shook hands with both and saw them out. Steve and Jeannie felt flabbergasted and as though they were caught in a whirlwind. Steve called Mike to request he pick up his grandson and take care of him for the night. They both knew there would be difficulty to concentrate on their son, with the decision they had to talk about.

Mike asked what was going on and Steve told him they'd explain tomorrow if he didn't mind. That night they concentrated on each other, they knew their son was safe with Mike. When the discussion was finally broached of the decision that they needed to make it was Jeannie who brought it up.

"Steve, honey, what do you think I should do?" Jeannie asked in a quiet voice.

"Jeannie, your health comes first; I want to grow old with you. The most important facts are, Babe it is your body. The cancer's attacking you and our baby is carried by you. Aborting our child hurts me tremendously, but you are most important to me. Sweetheart whatever you decide I'll agree with. Tell me honestly though, what do you think you want to do?" Steve inquired anxious no matter what the decision was.

Jeannie was quiet a good while deep in thought. She paced in silence before finally she felt what she wanted to say. She sat with Steve again and held him as close as he held her.

"One thing I know for sure, I can't kill our child, not for my sake. Our child gets a fair chance at life. I'll start treatment once he or she is born. I hope you really do support me on this decision Steve because it feels right to me." Jeannie sounded very confident in her choice.

"We'll call Dr. Graves tomorrow and let him know our decision. We need to tell Mike tomorrow as well what choice we had to think over," Steve reminded her.

Mike was happy with Jeannie and Steve's decision. Six months later their daughter Kimberly was born and Jeannie started treatment for her cancer.

The treatments weren't without their problems for Jeannie as well as her family. She had to deal with the loss of her hair and the depression it caused her. Her anxiety was shared by Steve and Mike. Both would have traded places with Jeannie in a heartbeat. Later she was declared cancer free, although she would endure some physical problems in the future caused by the chemotherapy.

****FLASHBACK ENDS****

Present Time:

The day after Kim's graduation Steve and Jeannie sat their kids down to tell them the news. They were both grateful Mike had stayed over as he was able to help with the comforting the kids needed. Kim hurried from the room in tears. Steve followed her out and held her as she cried.

"Kim your mom's going to beat this. I've got faith in her. I know it's very upsetting but don't lose faith in your mom. She's one of the toughest women I've ever met in my life. It's going to be hard but it'll be okay," Steve tried to reassure his daughter.

"You sound so sure, daddy." Kim wondered how he was so confident.

"I've known your mom since she was seventeen Kim. I would say that knowing her over twenty years helps me to be that sure." Steve handed his daughter a handkerchief.

"I've been so afraid daddy that you and mom were to be divorced. The way you two had been for a while had me worried. I never thought about cancer," Kim admitted her hidden fear.

"That's one thing you and your brothers never have to worry about Kim. Your mom and I have loved each other almost from the first day we met. She and I plan to be together forever," Steve promised his daughter.

"You never worry about daddy and I divorcing, Kim." Jeannie who'd come up and heard Kim's fear entered the kitchen and hugged her daughter. "Your daddy and I share a deep abiding love. We don't even need words to communicate or know what the other's thinking. He'll never be rid of me, that's a promise. Now, young lady wasn't there a dress you had been wanting?"

"Yes, but, mom with all you're going through now we should just all stay here together I think," Kim remarked just happy to be able to be with them.

Later that day Steve took Jeannie and Kim shopping for the dress Kim had wanted. Both convinced Jeannie to try one on as well and Steve thought he had never seen any women more gorgeous than his wife and daughter.

When Jeannie had her mastectomy the whole family as well as colleagues were waiting in the O.R. waiting area. Pete had arranged with college to make up two exams he was to take so he could be there at least this day. Steve paced nervously; he wished he could have protected Jeannie from this. Hours later the surgeon talked with Steve to inform him the surgery was a success. Mike and Steve explained to the youngest kids that their mom wouldn't be awake until the next morning. Mike had volunteered to stay with all the kids at Steve and Jeannie's, so Steve could stay with Jeannie that night.

The next morning Jeannie woke to find her husband there her hand clutched in his. Steve was awakened by a familiar voice.

"Steve?" Jeannie's throat was dry Steve woke immediately and smiled as he saw her awake.

"I'm so happy to see you awake. It's over; the surgery was a success we were told last night," Steve reassured her as he gave her some ice chips to wet her throat.

"We?" Jeannie wondered who had been there besides Steve.

"All four of our kids and Mike were there with me. That's not all Mrs. Keller, quite a few from homicide were there along with some of your colleagues," Steve informed her and saw her smile. "I love you, Jeannie."

"I love you too, Steven," Jeannie smiled.

Before long they were paid a visit by the surgeon and Dr. Greenwood informing them of what lay ahead. Jeannie and Steve talked after they'd left and made decision together that Pete should go back to college. After he'd spent some time with her he headed home to tell Mike and the kids how Jeannie was.

Steve was with Jeannie every step of the way during her recovery. When the day came that her bandages were totally removed by the surgeon, both were elated.

"Wow, Jeannie. They look as good as or better than before," Steve joked with a grin. "What do you think though?"

"I'm not disappointed at all." Jeannie sounded pleased as she gave Steve the Stone glare then laughed.

After the surgeon was confident all was well Jeannie dressed. They both were told what to watch for and arranged for a follow up.

"We'll see you in two weeks and thank you for everything, Dr. Ingersoll. I appreciate all you did for Jeannie." Steve smiled as they shook hands.

"It was my pleasure. You two have a happy life together," Dr. Ingersoll smiled.

"We plan to, thank you so much. Come on, Steve, let's go home to Mike and our kids and celebrate my new life," Jeannie beamed.

The End


End file.
